Evelyn asks, “How can you tell if your friends are real or fake?”
Evelyn asks, “How can you tell if your friends are real or fake?”
You can find out more about Nina Purewal and her work at NinaPurewal.com.
If there’s a question you’d like to ask, or if you have advice to share, you can reach us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
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It’s OK To Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast
S1 EP04, Real Friends, Fake Friends
[INTRODUCTION]
Nina: This is It’s Okay To Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast.
I’m your host, Nina Purewal.
We know that you're confronted with some big questions all of the time about what to do, what to say in certain situations, how to act or respond.
Asking for advice from friends and classmates is a fantastic way to help inform your decision-making and to help you decide what to do.
And it's okay to ask. That's why we're making the show. Here at A Kids Podcast About, we want to provide a safe space for you to ask those questions and get all of the advice that you need. But sometimes you've got to ask a couple of people for advice. Before, you're ready to decide what to do. And that's why we've created an entirely new type of podcast.
It's called a dynamically created podcast. And what this means is that no two listens are the same. Listen to the episode, then delete it and download it again for a whole new outcome and different advice. Just like asking a second or third person what to do.
Today's question comes from Evelyn.
Evelyn asks, “How can you tell if your friends are real or fake?”
Wow. Evelyn, that's a fantastic question. And I'm curious to hear what all of you kids have to say, because sometimes kids are more intuitive, meaning they have an inside inner-knowing on what to do; better than adults, especially when it comes to people.
What do you think? Is it ever difficult for you to know whether your friends are real or fake? What do you do in situations when you realize someone is fake?
Let's hear some advice.
[ADVICE FROM KIDS]
Choice 1
Jonah: Hi, my name is Jonah. I am 11 years old and I live in Maryland.
You can tell if your friends are real or fake, if they really care about you and they're always by your side, then that means they're most likely real.
But if they're saying to you, “You're so weird. Who would want to be friends with you?”, then that shows that they don't really want to be your friend and not truly a good friend.
Choice 2
Aria: My name is Aria. I'm eight years old and I'm from Toronto, Ontario.
You can tell if your friends are real or fake, if they speak to you with kindness, let each other choose the games and listening to each other, taking turns. And also when they get, if they get excited to see you.
Choice 3
Bianca: My name is Bianca. I am seven years old. I live in Ontario, Canada.
The way you can tell if your friends are real or fake, if they're really kind and they're really nice to you and they, they make really great friends.
Grownup: And how can you tell if they're fake?
Bianca: If they don't play with you and they don't take care of you and they're not nice to you.
Choice 4
Cyla: Hi, my name is Cyla Grace Hoffman.
I'm eight years old and I live in Atlanta, Georgia.
A few ways I can tell my friends are real. Is they ask about you. They ask how your day was. They ask about your dogs and they're really there for you, whether you're going through a good time or bad time. They really want to support you in everything we do.
Whereas a fake friend really wants to get something out of you or wants to hurt you from the inside out or to wants to make you mad or take advantage of you.
And whereas real friends they want there, they help you work stuff out and they are always there for you. And even if you have something cool that they wish they had, they don't want to get it from you. They don't want to grab it and take it. They don't want to hurt you. They just want to be friends, supportive, laugh, care about you and cheer you on.
Choice 5
Leo: Hi, my name is Leo. I'm eight years old and I live in California.
My advice is if someone is not your real friend, they'll probably lie to you and they'll, like, make you feel comfortable, even though they're not really your friend.
So they'll like give, give you yourself, give you their stuff to like, make sure that you trust them. And then when they're actually not. They'll just take all their stuff back.
That's what my friend did before. I was friends with them for like a year and they just, they gave me stuff and now they're just taking it back slowly because maybe they're not my friends anymore. Who knows? But, that's my advice.
[SIMILAR EXPERIENCES]
Nina: Welcome back.
Now the advice we give often comes from a place of experience, meaning we've gone through something similar.
What we've been through or what we've learned so far helps us figure out what to do next and how to respond in certain situations. Even when our friends are asking us for advice, sometimes we draw on what's happened to us to help us give them advice.
Let's listen to a similar experience from one of your peers. A peer as someone who was close in age to you or who has had a similar experience.
Let's hear what they have to say about real versus fake friends.
Here we go.
Choice 1
Jonah: Hi, this is Jonah.
And I have had many friends in the past and I have lots of friends now.
I would say that a true friend would be my friend, Nathan. It seems like he is always by my side. He's the nicest person I know. And it just feels like he would never leave my back for how long we've been together and just how nice he is to me.
Choice 2
Aria: Yeah. Earlier this year, there were a few kids in my class who I was playing with at recess time, but I realized that one girl was always really bossy and chose all the games. They didn't speak to me with kindness and I had to go find them. They wouldn't just come right up and get excited to see me.
So I didn't, I don't really play with them anymore. I found a new, some new friends and they speak to me with kindness, get excited to see me and we choose games, like we take turns on choosing games.
Choice 3
Bianca: There's somebody at recess and she always wanted to get her away. And whenever she didn't get her way, she would always cry.
And yeah, she always would cry and she was very picky too.
Grownup: And how could you tell she was fake?
Bianca: Because she didn't care about us. She wasn't kind . She always whined a lot.
Choice 4
Cyla: One example of a fake friend for me. Well, she was a fake friend, but now she's a friend.
Now she's a true friend was this girl who kept trying, who had a friend that was my friend too. And she thought I was stealing her from her. When really, I was just trying to play with her too.
And we had, we, we all, like, really didn't like each other for a while because everybody was getting mad at each other, breaking friendships and joining friendships and it was getting all crazy.
And then one day those friends that were, were actually my friends didn't talk to me for a day.
And that's where the fake friend came in.
And she just stepped in and showed that she cared. And now all of us are friends again.
And it turns out that really why we were fighting was because we were so similar
So sometimes fake friends can become real friends.
Choice 5
Leo: I can share an experience like that because my friend from school has a brother who does that.
I mean, he really, really likes playing with my toys and my stuff. And that does not make me feel good because he more plays with, uh, my toys then he actually plays with me.
So, um, it just feels bad. And I bet I've done that too, because I've had friends, who've had lots of stuff and I've always been jealous and, you know.... now I actually have the feeling of that.
So that is my experience.
Nina: You know, we all go through these experiences, even grownups, I guarantee you that any grownup you ask will tell you that they've had a fake friend or two in their lives.
That doesn't make it any easier for you, but what it can serve as is reassurance that you're not going through this alone.
And even though it's hard sometimes to see those fake friends or realize that they're not real, you're going to be okay when you come out the other side, because you've got some great advice here and you have people who have experienced this, just like you.
We're going to take a quick break. And when we return, we're looking for your advice around this question.
Seriously, stick around.
[ASKING FOR YOUR ADVICE]
Nina: Welcome back to It’s Okay to Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast. Before the break heard advice based on a question sent in by Evelyn around a real versus fake friends.
Now it's our turn to come to you! Each of your peers brought in a question and you'll hear from one of them in just a moment. After you do, it's your opportunity to share some advice with us.
Here we go.
Choice 1
Jonah: Hi, this is Jonah.
If you don't want to clean your house, do you really have to if your parents ask you to?
Choice 2
Aria: In my after school class, there's this girl who's always mean to me, but we're in the same group. So how can I avoid her being mean to me, even though we're in the same group?
Choice 3
Bianca: If you give up, what do you…? What do you do if you give up, but you really want to do it in your heart?
Choice 4
Cyla: What are some signs that friends are being fake or real to you?
And what are your favorite things to do with your real friends?
I like to dance, play, craft, and run around.
I'd love to hear what you do too.
Choice 5
Leo: I want to ask you listeners how I can ask this person to stop please playing with my toys and actually treat me as a person. Treat me as a human being.
[WRAP-UP]
Nina: What do you think? What's your advice on having real or fake friends? And how can you tell when someone is a real and genuine friend?
Well, at this point, you can pause the show and share with anybody who's around you around your experience. And you can also share with us! And we mean that.
You can write to us or send us a voice message and we'll make sure your email gets into the right hands or your message. You can email us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
And one last thing, before we go, remember that I shared in the beginning that this is a different and special type of podcast. I called it one that's dynamically created, so that no two listens are the same.
If you're ready to hear other advice to Evelyn's question around real or fake friends, or if you're just curious to hear what other peers have to say, delete this episode from your podcast app and download it again for a whole new outcome.
If you're listening on a website, just hit, refresh and remind. It's okay to ask for advice on whatever is going on in your world. You were not facing all of these challenges alone.
We're all here to support you.
Until next time. I'm Nina. Thanks for listening.
[CLOSING]
Nina: Thank you Evelyn for your very thought-provoking question and to all of the peers who gave us some fantastic advice today.
If there’s a question you’d like to ask, or if you have advice to share, you can reach us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
It’s Okay To Ask is written by me, Nina Purewal. You can learn more about me and my work at NinaPurewal.com.
Our show is edited and produced by Matthew Winner with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
Follow the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever podcasts are found and check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.