Ellison asks, “Should you say sorry if you are not actually sorry?”
Ellison asks, “Should you say sorry if you are not actually sorry?”
You can find out more about Nina Purewal and her work at NinaPurewal.com.
If there’s a question you’d like to ask, or if you have advice to share, you can reach us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
Check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
It’s OK To Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast
S1 EP03, Sorry, Not Sorry
[INTRODUCTION]
Nina: This is It’s Okay To Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast.
I’m your host, Nina Purewal.
We know that you get confronted with some really big questions all of the time around what to do, how to respond, what to say to someone, and how to even act.
Asking for advice from friends and classmates is a wonderful way to help inform your decision-making and help you decide what to do.
And it's okay to ask. That's why we're making this show
Here at A Kids Company About, we want to provide a safe space for you to ask questions and also get some great advice. But sometimes you have to ask more than one person for advice before you're ready to take the next step and know what to do.
That's why we've created an entirely different podcast for you! It's a dynamically created podcast! That means that no two listens are going to be the same. Listen to the episodes. Then delete it and download it again for an entirely new outcome. Just like asking a second or third person for advice. Isn't that awesome.
Today's question comes from Ellison.
Ellison asks, “Should you say sorry if you are not actually sorry?”
Wow, Ellison! That is a very thought provoking question.
So what do you think? Is it ever difficult for you to say sorry when you really aren't actually sorry?
What do you do in this situation?
[ADVICE FROM KIDS]
Choice 1
Jonah: Hi, my name is Jonah and I am 11 years old. I live in Maryland.
If you don't believe that you need to say, sorry, you shouldn't have to, if you feel bad for the person, then maybe think about it a little more, but if you don't want to, I would say stick with your gut and don't.
But if the, if saying, sorry, makes the other person feel better than it might be a good idea to say it.
Choice 2
Aria: My name is Aria. I'm eight years old and I live in Toronto, Ontario.
No, you shouldn't say sorry if you're not actually sorry, because you don't have to, because what if you, what you did, isn't a big deal. But instead of just not saying, sorry, and just walking away, tell the person why you're not sorry and what you did wasn't really a big deal.
Choice 3
Bianca: My name is Bianca. I am seven years old. I live in Ontario, Canada.
No, you don't need to say sorry if you're not actually sorry. Cause what's the point of saying sorry if you're not actually sorry?
Choice 4
Cyla: Hi, my name is Cyla. I'm eight years old and I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I don't think you should say you're sorry if you're really not actually sorry because you want to be a person of your word and you want to tell the truth whenever possible.
You don't want to lie about saying sorry if you're really not actually sorry. So people can know that you don't need to be sorry for that situation, or that's not something thats your fault that you need to say sorry for.
Um, one time sat right there for a second. So that would be, you're saying something, you were saying what you were saying in the car. You didn't actually say what I just told you, which is fine. That's one way when you that's one reason you don't want to say, sorry is because you. I don't want to take responsibility or be blamed for something that's not your fault.
One reason you don't want to say you're sorry is to take blame for something that's not your fault or something that you didn't do.
You want to stand up for yourself and say, well, I didn't do that.
I shouldn't be the one to be blamed where I have to say, I'm sorry, when you might've done it, or she might've done it, or whoever there might've done it. And it wasn't your fault.
So sometimes saying you're sorry is not the way to go because it's not your fault and you shouldn't be blamed for it.
And sometimes saying you're sorry means you're taking responsibility for something that you didn't do, which is not fair.
And if you say you're sorry, and you don't actually mean you're sorry, I don't think you should do that either because that shows that someone can't trust you and can't can't know you for who you really are.
If you are sorry, you want to say, you're sorry.
And you want to make sure the person knows that you actually are, sorry. It comes from your heart and your soul, and you can see it in someone's eyes And it comes from your heart and their soul and you can see it in someone’s eyes.
Choice 5
Leo: Hi, my name is Leo and I am eight and I live in California.
My advice is no don't. Why would you even say, sorry, if you don't mean it, because if you don't mean it, then you're just lying. And then when you actually mean it to someone, that person who you lied to will not believe you.
That's my advice.
[SIMILAR EXPERIENCES]
Nina: Welcome back.
The advice we often give comes from a place of experience, meaning we've been through something similar. And what we learned in those situations helps us figure out how to respond when we're confronted with new experiences or when friends are asking for advice about what they've been through.
Let's listen to a similar experience from one of your peers. A peer is someone who is close in age to you or who has had a similar experience.
I wonder if anybody else has felt that they have said sorry when they really didn't feel like they had to.
Let's find out.
Choice 1
Jonah: Hi, this is Jonah and there was an experience where I hurt someone's feelings and right away, I was like, what do I do? Do I say, sorry, do I walk away?
Because it was their fault also, because they were doing something mean to me. So I thought about it. I thought it through and I felt like it would just be nice and be really good to say “sorry” to them. And hopefully make them feel better.
Choice 2
Aria: So sometimes when my, me and my sister are playing, we get into a fight and then she wants me to say sorry. But I don't say sorry. I just tell her why I'm not sorry.
Well, because what I did wrong wasn't a big deal. It was her who did mostly the wrong thing.
Choice 3
Bianca: Yes. When I fall and when I cry, um, one of my friends, she stomps off and I come running to her and I say, “I'm really, really sorry”, but I actually do not mean to say, sorry to her. Cause I barely didn't even do anything.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Choice 4
Cyla: One day I was playing on the playground and I was playing with my friends and this girl walks up and this girl walks up to me and pretends to trip over me to get to her friend.
And she yells at me and she says, “you made me trip. I'm going to tell on you. You should say, you're sorry, because you made me trip.”
And I said, “Well, I'm not sorry. I didn't do that. You tripped on your own.”
I felt bad for her that she tripped, but I didn't do it. So why should I say I'm sorry?
I get that I would feel sorry for her, like, I'm sorry you tripped, but it wasn't my fault.
“Are you okay?” And she said, “Yeah, but you should say you're sorry.”
And I didn't. And I didn't think that was right because it wasn't my fault. And she agreed.
So that was just one example, but it really happens all the time. We're just kids.
Choice 5
Leo: Can I share an experience with something I went through that’s similar.
Uh, no. I can't. Because I don't like lying. It's not fun because then you can actually lose friends out of it. So, yeah.
Nina: You know, we all go through these experiences, even grownups. I bet if you asked any grownup, if they said sorry when they're actually not sorry, they'd probably say “yes” and tell you about a time that they did.
But you know, it doesn't make it any easier for you to go through it. But it can serve as a reassurance that you're not alone.
And even though these situations can be hard sometimes, you're going to be okay and come out the other side because we've all been through it.
We're going to take a quick break. And when we return, we're going to be looking for your advice.
Seriously, stick around to find out how.
[ASKING FOR YOUR ADVICE]
Nina: Welcome back to It’s Okay To Ask: A Kids Advice Podcast.
Before the break, we heard advice based on a question sent by Ellison around whether we should be saying sorry, if we're not actually saying sorry.
Now, it's our turn to come to you. Each of your peers brought a question and you'll hear from one of them in just a moment.
And after you do, it's your opportunity to share some advice.
Here we go.
Choice 1
Jonah: This is Jonah. And do you think you are able to wear pajamas all day or do you think you should change?
Choice 2
Aria: Yeah, so sometimes when I have to speak or perform for large or small groups of people, um, I get shy and I, I don't feel like I'm doing well.
What can I do to make me more brave?
Choice 3
Bianca: Have you ever gotten for something at school where you were struggling a lot? How did you do it?
Choice 4
Cyla: What are some ways that you say, I'm sorry, authentically and you say, I'm sorry, well, not so authentically? Well... when you don't mean it?
When, when I say, I'm sorry, I, you can hear it in my voice and I make eye contact with you. And you know that I'm saying sorry.
And sometimes asking them for forgiveness is nice too.
Choice 5
Leo: Listeners, I just want to ask you, what would you do in this situation?
What would you do if you said, sorry, but you actually didn't mean it.
And then the next time you actually mean sorry, they don't believe you.
How would you feel?
[WRAP-UP]
Nina: Well, what do you think?
What's your advice?
You can pause the show and share your advice with anybody around you, and you can also share it with us because we'd love to hear it.
And we mean that! You can write to us or send us a voice message and we'll make sure your advice gets in the right hands. And it might even make it on the show!
Email listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
And one last thing before we go. Remember that I shared in the beginning that this is a special and different kind of podcast, one that is dynamically created so no two listens are the same?
Well, if you're ready to hear another piece of advice to Ellison's question, or if you're just curious to hear what others had to say, delete this episode from your podcast app, downloaded again for completely new advice.
If you're listening on a website, just hit refresh. And remember, it's okay to ask for advice on whatever is going on within you and in your world.
You are not alone, my friend.
Until next time, I’m Nina. Thanks for listening.
[CLOSING]
Nina: Thank you Ellison for your wonderful question and to all of the peers who gave us some fantastic advice today.
If there’s a question you’d like to ask, or if you have advice to share, you can reach us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com.
It’s Okay To Ask is written by me, Nina Purewal. You can learn more about me and my work at NinaPurewal.com.
Our show is edited and produced by Matthew Winner with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
Follow the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever podcasts are found and check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.